About

If you asked me out to coffee, I’d order matcha. An iced matcha latte with vanilla. And I’d probably drink most of it before we even sat down. Then, I like to imagine we’d curl up in squashy chairs next to a warm fire and you would ask me to tell you about myself. But, the thing is, I’m not sure what I would say.

I’ve really changed lately. I’ve been becoming someone different and new. I think I really like her, most days anyways. I’m certainly proud of her and how she has made it this far. But I’m not quite sure how to introduce her yet.

I used to have the story down. It had clear, defined highs and lows. Some clenching, powerful one-liners as my eyes were opened to salvation at 18. I told this strong, confident story about how I overcame chronic illness and spiritual abuse. How my husband and I braved a cross-country move as newly weds and were on fire for growth in Jesus, no matter the adversity. It was truly inspiring.

That’s all still part of my story. And it’s still all something I’m incredibly proud of. Every bit of that testimony is beautiful evidence of God’s power and grace. Yet, it doesn’t quite feel like my leading story anymore.

Motherhood has a way of doing that. It comes in and redefines what once was. Everything I was led me to become these babies’ momma. And now that I’m here, I’ll never be the same. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not blaming my babies for changing me into something different. Though they certainly are the ones helping to draw out this new me.

At the heart of it all, God has used this season, more powerfully than any other in my life, to hold me right in the fire. He has steadily kept me there until I had no choice but to become pliable in his Almighty hands. It was there that he lovingly has been smoothening out my rougher edges. He is tempering me, strengthening me, and redefining the ways I look and feel. I’m still me, here at the core. But so much has changed.

What I do know about the person who is emerging is that she has two babies that love her, and desperately need her to strive after the best version of herself in Christ. She’s a wife who loves her husband more deeply, because their marriage has been stretched past limits never imagined, and she still fought to choose him as he fought to choose her. She’s a desperate sinner, falling short more often than she cares to admit, and in need of more help than she likes to ask for. She’s a girl who is learning that the most powerful thing you can do as a woman of God, is to quiet your spirit before the Lord and listen for him to speak.

And just when she did that, she heard him say that she was going to write. To help her heal, to help her grow, but to love others by being brave enough to write it all down for his glory and their encouragement.

So, here we are, meeting in this moment of new motherhood where I don’t have anything figured out or any perfect words to give. I’m inviting you in, wherever you are along the journey, to come meet me on the path. To share in the experiences of this season that can feel so isolating, and remind ourselves that we are not alone. To God be the glory, for great things he has done.